Aku mahu mereka melihat aku sebagai manusia yang berjaya .

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Because she was a writer .

You know in 2005 until 2007, Ms. Mina has feelings to her classmate. His name is Mr. First Love. For three years and seven months her kept that feeling. After Mr. First Love moved school, Ms. Mina feel very miserable. Yes, Miss Mina admits that she misses Mr. First Love every day. Miss Mina does not have Mr. First Love phone number or email . Miss Mina never contact her first love. And that man never knew that Miss Mina really like him.There is no single day in three years Miss Mina forget him. After eight years when Miss Mina are doing practical at State G , she
had expressed her feelings that was long buried to her first love through Facebook. Mr. First Love is very surprised and did not think Miss Mina has feelings for him. But the guy just laughed. But Miss Mina at that time did not have any feeling to Mr.First
love. Miss Mina just want to tell. And now they're close. Before,they never once talk together, but now they can talk about anything. He's a great guy. Okay. Nevermind.

Miss Mina was dating his first lover. The man's name is Mr. Prickly Fool. He was the cause of the loss of feeling to Mr.First Love  lost and do not come back! There was nothing left.Yes now Miss Mina feeling  to her first love really over! Mr. Prickly Fool has proposed to Miss Mina became her lover. Later in 2008 (form four) in the same year, he lied to Miss Mina and left her without telling her the reason. The man had left the girl. You know the girl fall in love with Mr.Prickly Fool when they participated in the camp between schools throughout the state X. They are a group. But they never speak to each other. After camping she was very suffering. She is very missed Mr. Prickly Fool. With a very high determination, Miss Mina was looking for Mr. Prickly Fool phone number . After nearly six months, the girl finally got the number! Its Amazing!. But... They were friends for only three months.Being in love is only a month! Yes, Miss Mina cried every day for six months! She's just 16 years old. Too young to know love. Stupid. After that Miss Mina very hated man. They can destroy your life but you can do the same thing to them right? So ... Miss Mina wants revenge.Revenge?? Ok nevermind.

He is a very handsome boy at Miss Mina school . Everyone telling  that her boyfriend very handsome.Ok, his name is Mr. Stupid Ass. Because of Miss Mina, Mr. Ass Stupis back to school. (He is naughty. Lazy boy.. And ...of course his stupid.When their form one he is the same school but different class with Miss Mina. Then form two he moved to other school. Form three he backs to Miss Mina school.Form four he moved back to other school and finally his expelled from school during his form five.)...but his handsome. He proposed to Miss Mina became his girlfriend. During the end of form five he wanted to come to school to take SPM trial. He came because of  advised by Miss Mina. She just want to make him as useful man. 

As his girlfriend, Miss Mina feel responsible.Miss Mina become his girlfriend because of their first meeting at the Mall S. He was chasing Miss Mina during her out with her ​​girlfriends. He asked Miss Mina for the phone number. Then Miss Mina just gave him. Old friend right. Then that night Mr. Stupid Ass began to use sweet verses to Miss Mina. Then Miss Mina began to fall in love. Easy right? Miss Mina has an agenda.Then Miss Mina told her besties. But his friends do not like Miss Mina new boyfriend because in 2005 they had some crisis together. But Nevermind, Miss Mina still like her handsome boyfriend. But... deep in his heart that feeling was not true. They being in love then and Miss Mina leave Mr.Stupid Ass without any reason after six months! See? six months of the murderer. People did the same thing to Miss Mina then she think it is karma When she do the SAME thing to other.Cut a long story, Miss Mina was cheating. She played three wood. How pitiful Mr. Stupid Ass, right? HAHA. Okay. Nevermind.

Miss Mina continued her relationship with another man. He's young man. He was only 16 years old and Miss Mina 17 years old at the time. His name is Mr. Pretending Matured. Miss Mina gave that name because the man always pretending that he matured from Miss Mina.You know he is very cute and rude. Very rude. But he is very loving to Miss Mina. But then Miss Mina left him. Once again without reason after six month! Six month ok. See? Karma again? Allah knows better. Miss Mina very sick with all of things that had happened to her. Boys? They only tissue to Miss Mina. After use she can throw them away.Shes trowing out all that jerks boys.
Mr. First love, Mr. Fool Prickly, Mr. Stupid Ass and Mr. Pretending Matured and starts her new life. The important thing thats always in her head is

" Now i think that karma was over. Maybe after this karma will
back to me." Ok nevermind.

Yes, now Miss Mina here. Malacaa.  Malacca is the state that Miss Mina always told her mother that she wants  to go and live in a very long time. Miss Mina meet many types of people here. Shes only village girl and her see them with a variety of culture shock.And suddenly, Miss Mina 'girl-boy' friend, well she's pengkid. Named her as Miss Girl, she introduced Miss Mina to someone. Miss Mina thought she had just stayed in melacaa only for two months.First Semester, His name is Mr.Playful. Miss Mina admits that shes easy to fall in love and easy to hate someone. After she know that Mr. Playful had girlfriend she was remove the feeling before its going further. That Mr. Playful just plays feeling with Miss Mina. Ok its karma just passing by. Miss Mina cried.Mr. Playful you can blah. Miss Mina really hate you. Ok nevermind.

Without accidental, Miss Mina was falling in love with someone. She spoke to that man but he did not hear. Miss Mina looked at that man but he did not look back. That man never knew that Miss  Mina always talk to him, but that man never realized. He's never wake up. His sleeping. He had done something that Miss Mina felt he is the most stupid man that she never seen before. His handsome, his cute, his adorable, like lifeless dolls or rather he is the power pole! He is the man was hard to get. If you want him, you must put lots of effort! Everyday she will smile when her see him. But he never saw. Then he left Miss Mina without shes telling him that she love him.Karma again? But its ok. Miss Mina just love being like that. Shes only hoped that man does not know her feeling. Smile again. :) . yes, he is Mr. Broken Eyes not Sleeping. Ohhh that song! During Miss Mina wrote this writing, the song was aired! "At the moment I love you" by Dadali! Amazing.
Ok nevermind.

During Miss Mina so in loves Mr.Broken Eyes not sleeping, Then come to her Mr. Search Me. But before that Mr. Redd Flower was came first. He  is very good man. Always comforting her with all her problem. Always be Miss Mina side. Miss Mina know that Mr. Redd  Flower likes her but she forced to reject him. Its all because of Mr. Search Me. They both come in the same time. If you want to know futher, please come to Miss Mina.Right now, she cant tell you everything. Its secret maa.. Mr. Redd Flower, if you read this, Miss Mina just want to said sorry. You Always in her heart as her friend. never change. Youre promised Miss Mina something right? But you forgot to fulfill your promise. Miss mina felt so sad to let you go from her life. But it's happened. Ok lets start our new life.

Ok, lets me introduced to Mr.Search Me. At first, she know him and her have no feeling at all.She never saw him. Never felt he had though he actually exists. She never realized. Because he's not her taste. As she know, he never exist! Miss Mina is 18. And she live without friends. You know how her feel?

One day, Mr. Search Me invite Miss Mina to accompany him back to his village. Yes,shes followed him because her feel very bored staying alone in a hostel.After shes followed him to his village, he felt there was a feeling of entering into his body. her soul.It is full of him. Miss Mina is kind of girl that was easy to fall in love.Yes she know that Mr. Search Me trying to get close to her. To make Miss Mina falling in love wit him. Its so cruel. On the way back from the village, its raining! He ask her to take shelter at the edge of the store. Its almost midnight. She's feeling very worried.They waited until the rain stopped.

Suddenly, we saw him! Yes Him. Miss Mina name his as Mr. Him. Mr. Search Me  asked me to hide behind his motorcycle because  he was afraid Mr. him going to notice them.And she asked Mr. Search Me,

" Why we should hiding from that stupid boy?" (refer to Mr. Him) He answer her:

" Bukan korang couple ke?"

Ok Mr. Search Me, we can see that Mr. Search Me was cheating. Yes she know he lied to her. How dared his bring out  Miss Mina out, if he know she is somebody girlfriend. Sweet lie babe. Shes anwers him back,

"You're to much Mr. Search Me! If i am Mr. Him girlfriend, I do not go out with you. His nothing to me and im nothing to him. its our true relationship!"

Mr. Search Me just feeling guilty taking Miss Mina  with him. Yes She know he just want to be close to her. Man said, "try your luck". Because he likes her for the first time he saw Miss Mina at college. He feel jealous with Mr. Him when her friend Miss Girl, helped Mr. Him to get her phone number during their second semester.  But, Mr. Search Me, you dont worry, because you did it.

After that, Mr. Seach me and Miss Mina reationship go futher. Their got close. But Mr. Search Me never know that Miss Mina never throwed away her feeling to Mr. Broken Eyes not Sleeping. She still like that adorable guy even after two years they were together.He never know who are Mr. broken Eyes Not sleeping .  Shes never told him. Let him dont know. But Mr. Search me always get jealous with Mr.Him.Always asked his girlfriend:

"Do you had feeling with that man? "

"Mr. Him never proposed me pon. And i am not special to him. His
only trying me. Then he leave me with lots of tears.(karma?) And Mr.Him only laughing to me. He never like me. Please understand Mr. Search Me!!

"And do you like him?"


Miss Mina always feel guilty to Mr broken Eyes not sleeping, and sometime she feel guilty to Mr. Search Me.Shes feel guilty to both of them. She is so confused.

"...Mr. Search Me like and love me, and Mr.Broken Eyes not sleeping does not know that i like him, so i decide to be Mr. Search Me girlfriend. I just want to know Mr. Broken Eyes Not Sleeping, what he feels for me. I just want to make him jealous if im couple with Mr. Search Me..."

But in the two years to be Mr. Search Me girlfriend until now she did not know the answer. The Mr. Broken eyes Not Sleeping feeling to her. Its nothing. Mr. Broken Eyes Not Sleeping still with his happy life. He never know Miss Mina crying inside her heart.

"...Im sorry Mr. Search Me. Im always lied to you that im throwed away my feeling to other man. Yes! i throwed them. All of them. But not to my Mr. Broken Eyes not Sleeping. I just CAN'T! within two years  tipulah if i never falling in love with Mr. Search Me..I love him because he love me. I like him because he like and love me. He's is too good. Everything going smooth, until one day..."

Yes one day that change everything..That one day , Miss Mina life got miserable. Her future is getting dark. Her crying and crying but he, Mr. Search Me don't ever care. He lied to her. He was out having fun with his friends. He leave her infront of Miss Mina friends.

"...Im pretending that im ok. Im smiling. Im laughing.My friends
did not notice. Maybe you had reason why you leave me..."

But why you leave her when shes really need you?? her future got ruined and you just leaved  her? How dared you. When shes alone shes only crying. Her feel so angry. Her feel stupid. it is karma again?? But its ok. That day 12/1/2013. Its the last time Miss Mina see Mr. Search Me infront of her eyes. Then he dissapeared from her sight like the bubbles.

"... Ok i am not important to him..So i let him leave me. Let him go.. ..One day he said sorry to me, but my heart cannot accept. So i decide to let him go, Just go live your life. Im okay without you. Since 2008 to early 2013 i am not single, always put myself to the difficult relationship, always crying because of man, now im FREE WOMAN! i am not longer a girl with relationship with someone. I am not the kind of girl who thinks a guy is the answer to everything, i'm just tired of all that men. Truly deep inside my heart ,i decide to be single woman until i found my imam. And i know whats hurt the most is are keep feelings to someone who never knew and probably never even liked us. But its ok. I CAN DO IT, because im used to it. I feel so wonderful if i can kept this feeling just for him. Yes 3 years  i keep these feeling to Mr. Broken Eyes not Sleeping. I just want to keep these feeling to him for my whole life..."

Miss Mina just hope these feeling never ending like her feeling to them that her storied before. Shes never want these feeling never ended like her with Mr. First love that her so in love 9 years ago. Please Allah, please do not take this feeling to him. Please do not let him know that her always love him until her can touch his hand by the title 'HALAL' InsyaAllah by your WILL. Please let it be like usual. Miss Nina was very glad that he dont know.

"...For you Mr. Broken Eyes not Sleeping, if you read this, please don't tell me, If you do not like me, it's ok because i never wanted that you like me back. Its enough to me to 'tepuk sebelah tangan’. Its does not make a sounds but its really nice to hear. You have no idea how much my life changed since the day i met you. Allah know what the best for me in the future. My life may not be going the way i planned it but it is going exactly the way Allah S.W.T planned it. If Allah will, you and i will be together...Amin...."     

-The end-
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